


Breathless

by SweetwaterBaby



Category: Original Work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-23
Updated: 2017-11-23
Packaged: 2019-02-05 21:20:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 1,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12802617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetwaterBaby/pseuds/SweetwaterBaby
Summary: A collection of short stories and poems





	1. Cigarettes

I swore I would never be brokenhearted over you because I thought that you didn’t deserve my heartbreak, that you didn’t deserve to take a piece of my heart out right from the middle that would cause my heart to collapse from the inside out. When you left, because baby that was all you, you didn’t even think twice, didn’t look back, didn’t steal one last glance, and that is when I knew that I was never anything to you. You said I was and I believed you because you never gave me a reason not to. Your touch was always gentle, always careful, always so full of love, and I’m so happy I never got to experience those touches fill with hate and regret because I think it would have killed me. But maybe that would have been better because every single day without you has been filled with thoughts of you and at times I think it would be best to just destroy every part of me that still lingers with the taste, touch, feel, thought of you, so I try. I smoke because it reminds me of you. It’s the only thing that can leave me breathless and guess what baby. It’s killing me. Just the same as you.


	2. The Last One

I don’t know if you know what it feels like to be the last person to join a group of friends. No matter what you do, you feel the least welcome, the most used, the least cared about. It doesn’t matter how right or wrong it is but that’s all you’ll ever think about. When you see them all out together and you smile, but it doesn’t quite reach your eyes and you pray to gods that you will never believe in that maybe, just maybe, you’ll be invited next time. When they make plans in front of you but you know they don’t include you and you smile so wide and say have fun and once they’re gone you can finally scream or cry or just sit because you know none of them will ever experience what you are feeling and you just can’t can’t can’t do it. They will never feel their heartstrings tug because once again you get another picture of them all together and you. You you you are all alone.


	3. Anywhere Else

I think the worst thing is that I’m always gonna wonder why. I know what you’ve said, and I know what I think, but we’re both goddamn liars. We lied through our teeth every second we got, and every whispered I love you felt like razors sliding down my throat. Every time we looked at each other I knew that we were gonna ruin each other, but I never knew how or when or why. But I do know that I never stopped it. You made me trust you and made the lies slow down because I realized that I didn’t need to lie anymore because it was becoming something real. We played games at first and damn am I good at playing the game. I never was good at ending it though. You were. And now every time I think about someone’s hands on my body, I think about how I would rather be anywhere else. I don’t know when I started referring to you as anywhere else, but I did and I do and I wish I could stop because it feels like razor blades again. Every single time.


	4. Temporary

Her fingers smelled like matchsticks and if you looked into her eyes, the stars you hear about in every fairytale have been replaced with flickering flames that seemed to dance as she smiled. She smelled of ash and smoke and she reminded you of the wind, like if you looked away for just a second too long, she would wisp away and all that would be left is the scent of smoke. She flickered like a flame, there one day and gone the next, and you could tell that she was never meant to be a permanent fixture in this world. She was made for a quick burn, she was made to leave a mark a let the world know she was there, but only briefly and then like the fires that filled her veins she would fade and eventually her light would die. She was only made for short times, something meant to be replaced with something more permanent. She was not your happy ever after. She was just the placeholder.


	5. Rules

I moved on. It is what you are supposed to do and I already have enough trouble following directions, so I figured this time I would follow the rules to the goddamn t. I found a good boy. Oh my god he is good. He does what he is supposed to do and every time I look at him I get butterflies in my stomach, which is supposed to happen, that’s like rule number one. I talked to him, rule two, and decided immediately that he was too good for me. He has a plan, and he is doing everything that he is supposed to do to achieve it. He doesn't drink or smoke, or well, smoke. He hates that I do, but god when I do I forget that he isn't mine. That he is far too good for me, that he does not need a girl who feels pleasure from a blade sliding across her skin, that he doesn't need a girl who smiles at the sight of a flame because it looks and it feels so pretty. He doesn’t need a girl who drowns her emotions with alcohol, her feelings with pot, her hunger with a cigarette. No. He does not need me, but I think he wants me. I think his gaze lingers a little too long on the broken girl with bleeding lips and a wicked smile. I think his touch stays a little too long on shaking hands. I think his brain is a little too preoccupied with a girl like me. Good boys don’t need bad girls and he is the epitome of a good boy. I never have gotten around to rule number three because rule number two point five states that there must be an equality between the two parties. And baby we aren’t on the same level.


	6. Cold

She thought she loved the cold. It was the one thing in her life that had never felt cold even though it was literally cold. She loved winter and snow and all things frozen. She thought she saw herself in the flakes that littered the ground, and she watched as the world took no notice, and she watched the pretty, pretty snow become hard and packed underneath their feet and decided that she was a snowflake too. She took it to heart and adopted the cold like a warm blanket because it was the first bit of hope that she had a place in this world. She would become the snow, cold and hard and distant, but she was not born to be cold, she was born with a bright swirling inferno within her and her whole damn life she ignored it, desperate to make herself fit into the mold the cold had formed. She was molten metal and she poured herself over the snow in hopes of slowing down, but all she created was a hard stop with nowhere left to go. She thought the cold was saving her, but the cold treated her just like everyone else. Biting and harsh. It ruined her like everything else it touched, she it’s most faithful follower. She hated the cold.


	7. Punk

She got a skeleton tattoo on her hand. She looks at it every day and to everyone else she’s a punk ass kid who has some trust issues and “it’s just a phase”, but she didn’t do it to be edgy or punk. To her it’s lost control and counting numbers. To her it’s countless nights tossing and turning as she felt her stomach rip itself apart, but the only tears were ones of joy because all that pain must mean it’s finally working. To her it’s skipped meals and growling. To her it’s apple slices and carrot sticks that replaced potato chips and cookies. To her it’s concave stomachs and ribs that you can count, and it’s so easy to count now. To her it’s hollow spaces and sharp curves. To her it’s every single flaw. To her it’s how quickly something can slip out of hand. To her it’s a reminder, a warning and to you it doesn’t matter, just another punk ass kid.


End file.
